Mothers as Bystanders to social bullying

Mothers as Bystanders

Mothers, who can identify relational aggression and take positive action to stop the bullying, demonstrate to their daughters, sons, and other girls the power of the bystander.  I recently had a conversation with a young girl helping her practice the words she could use to stop bullying when she saw it occur.  Her response to me ‘But you’re so self confident, I can’t stop a bully.’  It takes courage, whether you are a mother or a daughter or a son to respond to social bullying.  Practice helps.  When girls see mothers stop bullying with gentle and positive direction, they too can build the confidence in refusing to remain neutral.

Without role models, to demonstrate how girls can resolve conflicts and deal positively with negative emotions, bullying will continue to exist in a social form.  On numerous occasions mothers have come to me complaining about how another mother behaved toward them.  Often this behavior was the form of bullying and while daughters and other mothers were present.  I often review the issues with the offended mother and suggest strategies to re-build relationships.  However, frequently the offending mother does not want to discuss her role nor her impact; leaving the offended mother with few options and the observing girls left to wonder how to deal effectively with bullying.  Mothers can have the confidence to speak up in the moment and stop bullying as both a bystander and as a victim.

Mothers cannot be bystanders to the relational aggression and bullying of other mothers, especially if done in front of girls.  We cannot expect our daughters to behave any differently in a bystander situation if mothers cannot also remove themselves from the protection of neutrality and take a vocal stand against the bullying of another mother or of themselves.